Thursday, March 5, 2009

On the finality, of swaying and of wavering


It's one thing to realize that this is it. This is finally it. It's time to move on. It's time to let go. I feel the air of finality everywhere. Picture sequences play in my mind. I say good-bye. And then start with my new life. I start from the bottom and I feel humbled and free. It's great to rebuild my life with my own two hands. It's great that I consciously make decisions and not go about like a robot the whole day. I feel that my life is mine. That I hold it and do whatever I want with it.

This is it. This is finally it.

But then...

It's another thing to realize -- no, not yet. Definitely not yet. I choose to stay. I choose to hold on. I sway and waver on my initial decision. Current reality unfolds before my eyes. I stay. And continue to live in my comfort zone. I reach for the top and feel exhilarated and fulfilled. It's great to build on what I've worked on for so long. It's great that I make all the big decisions that affect a lot of people. I feel that my life is shared with so many others. That they hold it too and are affected with whatever I want to do with it.

No, not yet. Definitely not yet.

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16 comments:

  1. a.R NodoraMarch 5, 2009 at 2:39 AM

    *BIG HUG*

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  2. Joemelle BacusMarch 5, 2009 at 2:44 AM

    awwww *hugs*

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  3. Patrick MinesesMarch 5, 2009 at 2:44 AM

    >:D<

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  4. kristina casasMarch 5, 2009 at 3:02 AM

    Ate! Go go go lang. Laban!

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  5. miki echavezMarch 5, 2009 at 3:27 AM

    magiging malinaw din ang lahat.. you'll have your moment of clarity. :]

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  6. cel manotokMarch 5, 2009 at 4:11 AM

    ayoko mag-comment.. usap na lang tayo - kuya sonny

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  7. Winston ElliotMarch 5, 2009 at 4:18 AM

    The last time I tried to read you, I got the opposite vibe. Haha. So here's my hugs na lang. *HUGS*

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  8. Nhiza AlcalaMarch 5, 2009 at 5:04 AM

    *hugs* kahit ano naman mangyari we're here for you. :D

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  9. Tina OlpocMarch 5, 2009 at 5:18 AM

    wah. chuuubbsss.. *hugs*

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  10. Chubbi ChubbsMarch 5, 2009 at 8:33 AM

    holrayt guys puede na kong manlibre ng hugs!!!
    *free hugs!*

    anyways, thanks to everyone! : ) it really really means a lot!

    ar, joemz, pat, nhiza, tina: thanks sa hugs! hindi na ko makahinga. eeep. hahaha
    kris: thank you for supporting me all the way *tsup*
    miks: i'll see ya today!
    kuya sonny: lessstalk our talk ;)
    winston: i told you i'm weird!

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  11. lesley ann astronomoMarch 5, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    na-sad naman ako..but then again..you're happy naman..or maybe not? haha! :P
    more free hugs!!

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  12. jeanie nievaMarch 5, 2009 at 3:30 PM

    chubbs, if it's what i think it is, i just hope you're happy and you'll be ok. :)

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  13. Chubbi ChubbsMarch 5, 2009 at 3:38 PM

    lesh: rakenrol! maybe? maybe not?
    jeanie: hehe let's talk :)

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  14. Arthur CuaMarch 7, 2009 at 6:09 AM

    love life ba to? =P read it again, and this time relate it to love life. pede diba!?! =P joke lang. mukhang marami ka na kakausapin, but i'm also here if you want another pov. eto lang - life is full of opportunities, and when faced with a fork on the road, open your eyes to the signs and triggers. in the end, life is what you made of it and as long as you're happy, then it's worth it.

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  15. Chubbi ChubbsMarch 7, 2009 at 11:37 PM

    arthur :) thanks :)
    i know naman everything will turn out to be ok.

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  16. hanna sarmientoMarch 8, 2009 at 10:26 PM

    bukas mata chubbs! kahit anu pa.

    From one's resolve may begin one's freedom and happiness.

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