Chubbs: the Hopeless Romantic

I don't like to be called a hopeless romantic. I guess I perceive being a hopeless romantic as a weakness. I hate to be described as someone who goes googly-eyed over a guy. I hate to be described as someone who puts a guy in the center of her universe. I hate to be described as a princess waiting for her prince to sweep her off her feet. Darn, I hate that. But the thing is, I am one. I hate to admit that I'm...

Chubbs: the hopeless romantic.

I guess that's why I like going to formal occasions, like our GradBall last Tuesday at the Mandarin Hotel. I love dressing up and as you can see in the pictures, I love pink! As Miki describes, "so typically Chubbs." I love dancing with someone I like and I love kilig moments. (Gosh, this is really turning out to be M-U-S-H-Y...) Unfortunately for me, nothing close to romantic happened last Tuesday. Just dancing that made me dizzy, pictur picturan with the melting ice sculpture, and thousands of trips to the bathroom. Although it could have been more memorable if I hadn't been so suplada. Hrm... I could have grabbed the chance. Hay...

To say my lovelife is complicated is wrong. Like many things in life, I just make it complicated by thinking too much. As many people know, it's as simple as you like each other or you don't, right? If the guy you like doesn't like you back, just move on, right? After all, only human feelings are involved here. The complications of love and like just make it all the less romantic. No fairy tale endings here, princess!

Oh well, being a romantic doesn't work out everyday. I guess I'd have to postpone my princess get-up for my next formal occasion, which is Ate Cel (my cousin) and Kuya Sonny's wedding next year. I can't wait to fit my apple green gown as much as my sister, Paula can't wait to get her hands on her flower girl dress! And maybe by my cousin's wedding, my prince will already be by my side.

Parish of the Holy Sacrifice

I went out with highschool kabarkadas Tere and Nikki today. We had a 2-hour lunch (yes, two hours) at World Topps Katipunan and then we caught a movie at SM North (just like to old times... Hindi, jologs talaga kami). After stories of graduation, family matters, Nikki's boys, batch chismis, love lives, and more of Nikki's boys, I drove Nikki back to Katipunan to go home. Tere and I then proceeded to her boarding house in UP.

Left driving alone in UP when the sun had just set is normal for me. But today I decided to go around the Academic Oval to take in the campus one last time. I've taken many trips like this, especially in the last year. Never mind the gas, I need to cherish my school when I still have the chance to. So I went driving. I saw the Sunken Garden dotted with people. I saw Ikot jeeps with yellow roofs. I saw the MainLib, Educ, Vinzon's, BA, Econ, Law, NEC and Eng'g. I reminisced of lab times in NEC414 and past Eng'g Weeks in Eng'g. Then I stopped short.

"I have to go visit," I said to myself.

I took a turn at the Eng'g driveway and headed back. In minutes, I was parking beside the chapel.

I got down from the car and an old man, that I always saw around the chapel, approached me. "Konting tulong lang po..."

"Mamaya na lang po pag labas," I told him patiently.

I walked in the middle of the garden, towards the church. The dome stood out with its lights as the surroundings darkened with the setting sun. The sculpture of the crucifix and Jesus's resurrection hung from the middle of the dome. It never ceases to amaze me. Up to now I still love praying to this huge crucifix, seeing His face clearly even from afar. I reflect and realize the times when I've seen this church. I've seen it from early morning to high noon to nights like this. I've seen it with sunshine and flowers in its garden's trees. I've seen it with the rain pouring outside.

Tonight, surroundings were dark. It was a hot night. The mass was over and a handful of people were left praying at the chapel. Some were there to confess and pray after confession. I sat down and took it all in. This is where I got my faith back. And because of that, this chapel will always have a special place in my heart. It will always be the most beautiful to me. I remember the days when I would walk under the heat of the sun from Eng'g to the chapel just to pray. That was the time when I was losing loved ones - one from death, and another from emotional differences. My life was a mess. I didn't have anywhere to go and I really needed Him then. He answered my prayers in this chapel.  He fixed it all up for me by just listening. He held my heart in His hands and He healed it with His light. I believe this is what happened at that time and I will always be thankful.

I prayed tonight as if it was my last time to visit. I thought of people who have touched my life in my four-year stay in UP. I thought of friends, of classmates, of mentors and of professors. I thought of all my blessings - my family, my friends, my achievements... an overwhelming number. I thought of how strong I've become since I first visited the chapel. I prayed that He guide me to be faithful even when I leave UP. I prayed that He remind me to visit His church once in a while. I prayed for so many things and I teared up when I remembered how much He helped me.

When I finished my prayers, I walked out to the garden. I remembered the old man asking for help and looked around for him. Convinced that he already left, I started to make my way out of the church. I was literally surprised when he greeted me the moment I stepped out of the gardens. I didn't expect him there. "Nagulat naman po ako!"

He smiled silently. "Nagulat ba kita?"

"Opo..." I handed him some money.  "Eto po, o. God bless po."

Then I remembered that he always told me whenever I gave him help that he'll pray for my studies. I said, "Salamat po sa pagdadasal, ha." I patted him on the shoulder.

He smiled again and I said, "Graduate na po ako eh, kaya baka hindi na ako makabalik." That's when I really started to cry. Imagine me driving a car and crying like a baby at the same time. That's what I looked like tonight.

It's pathetic but I'm proud to admit that I'm really a crybaby. Now that I've graduated, I'll miss everything there is about UP, my campus for four years. I'll miss my friends, Eng'g weeks, fishballs, Ikot jeeps, and the huge acacia trees. Most of all, I'll miss the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice, the place where I got my faith back.

CS Grad Party

I am too depressed this evening. Hay... Involves a friend, his lovelife, my lovelife. We're all losers.  I'm sad. It's depressing. Sana ok na bukas. Grad pa naman.

Anyway, I thought you guys should find this a good read. It's the speech that I gave in behalf of the graduating class at our CS Grad Party last Wednesday, April 20. Medyo naiyak pa nga ako. Nakakahiya sa faculty. (Chris, nahiya ako sa yo... )

 

The People Who Brought us Here 

Prof Evangel Quiwa, College Secretary, Dr. Ronald Tungol, Computer Science Department Chair, distinguished guests, members of the faculty, and fellow graduates-to-be, good evening. 

On Saturday, we will don our togas and march at the University Theater for our college graduation.  Time does fly so fast.  It seems like it was only yesterday when we were clueless freshmen, lost in a huge university.  We called Eng’g Melchor Hall or MH, we didn’t know the Ikot and Toki routes, we dressed differently, and we wondered why there was such a riot in Eng’g during December.  The time we spent here at the University has changed us in many ways.  The young, clueless, and sometimes immature freshmen have now become student leaders, Eng’g week veterans, expert programmers, and graduating CS students. 

As we all know, being a CS student is no joke.  And finishing the course is definitely the furthest from being one.  We have all gone through hell weeks of exams, machine problems, and thesis presentations.  We have all experienced staring at the computer monitor at night while everybody is sound asleep.  We have all lost pounds in climbing the 4th floor of NEC to finish our theses.  But amidst all the hardships and sleepless nights, we managed to squeeze our way into the graduates list. For that, we all deserve warm congratulations.  

The Computer Science Department, our department, has done more to us than sell diskettes a peso each and provide an air-conditioned place to stay while waiting for class to start.  The faculty, staff, and students, as members of the CS Dept, helped shape all of us here tonight.  I believe that everyone who touches our lives leaves a mark in our character.  This is what CS has done to us; it has left a huge imprint in our lives and has become a part of us. 

Needless to say, our professors and instructors deserve all the thank you’s.  Their teachings have been instilled in our heads.  They have taught us much, from simple hello world programs to the theoretical frameworks of our theses.  Some have taught us more than just algorithms and programming.  They have inspired us how to live our lives.  They have shown us the importance of hard work, patience, and determination.  Indeed, our instructors deserve to be admired for their willingness to help students learn and share their knowledge to others. 

Then, there are our fellow students – friends, orgmates, and groupmates, all a part of the department.  Groupmates with whom you’ve done your MPs and your thesis with.  Orgmates with whom you’ve worked with in extracurricular activities that helped boost your leadership qualities.  And friends, friends whose mere presence lifts you up from a bad day.  Friends with whom you’ve shared stories and jokes and laughter with, those who make college life worthwhile. 

Indeed, our instructors, friends, and orgmates from the Department have contributed to who we are now.  The people who have touched our lives have shaped us well, making us ready to face the future. 

As we leave the portals of our alma mater, we will carry with us the high-quality education we got from the University.  We will carry with us the teachings of our professors, the memories with our friends, and the maturity we obtained from our four-year stay in the UP environment.  Let us not let our alma mater down and show the world what a UP DCS graduate is capable of.  Let us face the future with the past in mind, helping in whatever way we can to give back to the people who brought us here. 

Thank you and God bless!

Great Expectations and High Standards

It's hard to
have other people expect much from you. It's hard for them to set the
bar and look down on you if you can't hit it. But I realized that I
make it harder because I myself have
certain high expectations for myself. I expect myself to do good in
this and that or be the best in this and that... It makes failure
harder to accept.



It's bad enough if I fail or disappoint somebody. But it's even harder
for me to fail myself. People say that I'm a little bit hard on myself.
But the thing is, a lot of people make it hard for me too.

Nero Burning Rom

Did you know that Nero was the fifth emperor of Rome? During his reign, two-thirds of Rome burned.

I was thinking of Nero the emperor as I was burning CDs containing our final thesis submissibles. Nero Burning ROM. Very apt.

I still can't believe that this is it. Our final thesis submissibles. After some more changes, printing, and then book binding, we'll finally be through! I think it's only right to dedicate at least one journal entry to the topic that we've literally been crazy about for one whole year.

In behalf of Group AIM and the UP Computer Vision and Machine Intelligence Group, I present to you, e-NoDes, our early nodule detection project.

Wait... That sounds like Ponch...

I really don't want to be a techie explaining our methodology and all that. If you want a more detailed explanation of e-NoDeS, click here. Let's cross our fingers that Ponch updated the site already...

Anyway, what is e-NoDeS? e-NoDeS stands for Early Nodule Detection Software. Our project was formerly called NoduledeTech (Nodule Detection Technology), and before that, CALUNOD (Computer Aided Lung Nodule Detection). We're all thankful that one of our advisers, Dr. Berlin Go, helped us think of a better name.

e-NoDeS aims to detect nodules, masses that may be caused by cancer, less than 2mm in size. We use a template to match the circular structures that may be found in a patient's CT scans. We implement template matching in two algorithms: HU Constrained Search and Particle Swarm Optimization... And the rest of the discussion may be found in our paper. Hehe. I was getting too techie there. I didn't like it.

Anyway, my groupmates, Ponch and Alvin, and I hope that this software be used by those who need it. We know that what we've done is far from perfect, but we're hoping that interested researchers will continue our study in the future and be able to produce a better version of it.

e-NoDeS has made me worry that I wouldn't be able to graduate. It has deprived me of sleep. It has made me extend hours in the thesis lab. But it has also made me and my laptop, Suzystitch, best friends in less than 6 months. It has made me more confident during presentations. Most importantly, e-NoDeS has made me believe that what I think cannot be done can be accomplished with hard work, patience, team work, and lots of faith.

Thank you's:
Sir Pros and Ma'am Berlin - for the criticism and help in improving our project
Leng - for replacing our slow connection with 100Mbps Internet and singing for us when we're bored
Sarah, Gino, and Chesca - for being fun neighbors and for making us laugh even with the pressure
Chris, Miki, Jam, Daniw, Rhea and Hanna - for being great friends and for the pictur pictur times inside the lab
GOD - for answering our prayers

John Paul II, we love you.

Our Pope passed away this morning. Everyone in the world was watching since he fell gravely ill on Thursday. Our TV was constantly tuned in to CNN where sporadic updates from the Vatican were interspaced with features of his life, his vocation, and his beliefs. He was truly a great Pope, the only one I ever knew. He was Pope when I was born, and in 26 years as Pontiff, he has changed the world.

One of the paradoxes in life is that great power can be bestowed upon only one man. The role of Pope is an example of this paradox. What is it like to have the ability to change the world? More importantly, what is it like to realize that you have this ability and use it for the good of others?

Pope John Paul II, as the head of the Roman Catholic Church, had tremendous power. He used this power to influence different sectors, not necessarily within the Church. He had the ability to change the world and he took the power in his own hands. He was our spiritual leader, but he was involved with many political issues as as well. He stood up against communism, terrorism, and the US war against Iraq. He took his stand on issues like contraception, abortion and same sex marriage. He evangalized and visited many countries. Pope John Paul II had indeed changed and left his mark on the world.

The question is, did he change it for the better? I guess the answer lies with his life and death.

In 1920, he was born Karol Wojtyla in Poland. Now, he died with millions of Catholics and non-Catholics mourning, praying, and thinking, John Paul II, we love you!

*photo taken from http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/04/02/ritual.pope.death/

Job Hunting

I can't believe that it's been a year since I worked as an OJT for SMART last summer. In our yearbook, I described the PLDT Student Camp as the ultimate OJT experience. It really was. My OJT friends and I had a lot of fun and memorable times at the different activities that the company planned for us. We worked and had fun at Enchanted Kingdom for a day, we saw PBA players at our Sportsfest, and most importantly, we experienced first-hand work. Add to that the friends that each of us gained (those that you miss a year after you last saw them ), what more can you ask for?

Now a year after, PLDT Student Camp is looking for a new batch of OJTs. A number of my friends and orgmates have already been interviewed. I got to chat with each of them tonight, thanks to Ish's phone and Globe's (and I thought Ish wanted to work for SMART) call unlimited promo. It resulted to ten minutes of goodlucks and kamustas to Ish, Dalin, Geo, Carlos, and Daryll. Goodluck guys! I hope you get the job!

I was shocked that some of my junior orgmates were starting their summer jobs this Monday. It made me remind myself that I have to go looking for that perfect job soon. I really have to start job hunting soon if I want the cash flowing in by mid-June.

As for my good friend and "twin", Rhea, I guess that perfect job already landed on her lap. She started work at Vinta yesterday and up to now I still haven't heard her first-day-at-the-job story. I hope she'll be there to tell me all about it at our first Friday night dinner for the summer.

All the talk of work makes me very excited and a bit nervous. Welcome to the real world, Chubbs! that's what it all seems to tell me. But I still feel very lucky. As Bea, a highschool friend, told me, these are the times that we have so many options in life. Times of choosing our paths in life are rare, so we have to realize their value. That's why we all feel so confused. I guess what we just have to do is weigh those options and know what we really want in life. We just have to choose wisely and hopefully in the future, we won't regret the choices we made along the way.